The value of a UWA degree

Believe it or not, when I was younger I was so shy that until I was 10 years old I would hide under the dining room table whenever someone would knock on the front door because I was too afraid that they would speak to me!

Since then I have gone on to be a confident public speaker, a language teacher, and an international business salesman, project manager and negotiator in Japanese and English. For some of us, speaking to a stranger doesn't come naturally and for me this is still true today. However, if you can adopt these following principles, put them into action and get some positive results, your confidence will grow and in turn you will get more positive feedback and your upward spiral in the skill of speaking to strangers will begin. 

​Step one - Smile!

Your first step is to be confident and approachable. Studies have shown that the physical act of smiling gives a psychological boost. People who are forced to smile find any task more enjoyable than someone forced to frown (try it now, and you will notice this otherwise boring article becomes a better experience). Smiling is also a huge communicatione factor to others in the room that you are friendly and worth talking to.

Once you are wearing your smile, try standing straight and putting your shoulders back. This will allow deeper breathing and more oxygen to your brain, relaxing you and again reflecting your confidence to the room. Then for the hardest thing, making the first move. Choose who you would like to talk to walk towards them with your smile and eye contact, then as you come to your last step, reach out your hand so they can see your intention to shake and offer your brief self introduction. "Hi, it's nice to meet you, I'm (name) from (company name)".

​Step two - Use non-taboo topics

When I first came to Japan, I taught English to survive while I studied. This forced me to not only talk to many strangers, but teach them how to do it themselves. There is nothing worse than bringing up a topic or asking a question that shuts the conversation down or leaves an awkward feeling in the room. That is why I recommend that you have a few topics in your back pocket that you can use when the conversation starts or stalls.

Topics like travel, food, entertainment, general news, job and hobbies are good to have in your back pocket. Avoid relationships, family, politics, nationalities and personal appearance unless the other person brings them up. "So, what do you think about the food?" may be a good starter, however you will need to follow up with tips 3 and 4.

Step three - Listen, nod and repeat

Given the chance, most people don't mind talking about themselves. Ask them questions from your "non-taboo topics", but then you must really listen. THIS IS KEY. When you're outside of your comfort zone and your mind is going a hundred miles an hour, you may forget to take in any information. Show the person you are listening by giving body language that shows, in fact, you are listening. Then repeat key information, including their name. For example, "Nice to meet you too JOSH, Is being an ALUMNI RELATIONS OFFICER as much fun as it sounds?" This way, you are going to be far more likely to remember their names and information which assists you to the next point.

​Step four - Ask follow up questions

Don't have scripted questions and answers, but show the person you are actively listening by asking follow up questions. The funny thing is, the better you get at this skill, the less you actually have to speak. I have been able to use this skill to teach English classes, go on dates, or be a star at a business networking event and all by only speaking 20-30% of the time. Pick up on key points and think about your next question before the person has finished speaking. This will avoid awkward silences and demonstrate you are listening and indeed interested. For example, if you have already begun by talking about hobbies and they say "I play soccer on the weekends", your mind should be bubbling over what your follow up question will be. "Where do you play/What's your favourite team?/What position do you play?/Do you like any other sports?"

I promise if you keep these 4 points in mind, you will go into any conversation with strangers and come out on top. People will remember you and introduce you to their friends and you will remember more about each of them.

Bonus tip - You can repeat almost any question back to someone by asking "How about you?" These three words have often bought me much needed thinking time. 

About the contributor

I completed a bachelor of commerce at Curtin in 2005, worked at Rio Tinto across the Pilbara before going to Japan for a year with my girlfriend, who had a UWA exchange at Kansai Gaidai University. I worked teaching English and returned to Perth to study Architecture at UWA. I applied as soon as possible to go back to Japan, but there were no options to study there in the Architecture department. So I went to Singapore. During my stay there, UWA created a new agreement allowing me to study at Kobe University, so I jumped at the chance. After completing my studies I interned at Pritzker Prize winning Shigeru Ban’s studio in Tokyo. Then after unsuccessfully applying for work at Japanese studios, I decided to open my own English school. After several years, I married my Japanese wife and I successfully entered an architecture company in Osaka. My current goal is to open a branch office back in Perth.

You can connect with David on Linkedin.